We Interrupt This Broadcast

The sign in front of the Baptist church by my house had this to say this week: Just because you can doesn't mean you should. And boy, have I been schooled in that this weekend. 

I have recently learned that if there's a song, there's probably a muzak adaptation of it. Right now, the XM radio at work is set on some station called "Escape." And it is truly one of the oddest things I have ever heard. Sometimes they'll actually play some decent jazz or swing, but most of the stuff is uncalled-for orchestral arrangements of the likes of "Silence Is Golden" and "For Your Eyes Only". Today, I decided to google this "Escape", and in doing so learned way more about muzak than I ever needed to know. Not only does this radio station have its own Wikipedia page, but apparently the word "muzak" is considered a slight to the genre by those who actually enjoy it. The correct term is...wait for it...

BEAUTIFUL MUSIC

I only wish I could make this stuff up, people.

Anyways, here are the top 4 things I heard this weekend that made me want to stab out my eardrums. Believe me, I saved the best for last.

4. Can You Feel The Love Tonight?

Yes, this song is cheesy. But "The Lion King" was my favorite childhood movie (I can still quote along with it). Don't spoil it for me. Hearing this felt a lot like the time I heard a reggae arrangement of "Be Prepared."

3. My Way

I love Frank just as much as the next person, and this song is a pretty obvious choice for elevator music adaptations. But classical guitar as the melody instrument? REALLY?

2. Anything by the Beatles

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT DESTROYING MY CHILDHOOD?!? Trust me, just because you have brass in your rendition of "All You Need Is Love" does not make it cool like the one in "Love Actually" with the gospel choir and those trombonists mixed in with the wedding guests. Also, schmaltzy jazz piano during the "hey la, hey hello" part of "Hello, Goodbye" is a disgrace to the fab four.

1. Dancing Queen 

I wish my way with words was such that I could describe the horror inflicted on me upon hearing this. But you'll just have to imagine it.

Yes, this entry was random as hell and perhaps devoting way too much time and effort to such a subject. Yes, I could have just turned the radio off. But weeping over the fate of humanity helps to pass the time when no one is in the store (which was about 95% of the time this weekend. And I have no idea how to change the station anyway.) I promise we'll return to our regularly scheduled programming shortly.